and the Search for Cold Fire

by Adrian Aardvark

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03:56
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01:42
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02:28
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about

In a mission of self discovery, battle with loneliness, overshadowing death and the undying hope for the future; Adrian Aardvark moved to Texas in January of 2008 and began working on songs that encompassed more of the big picture. Hundreds of birds sang outside his window and inspired him to keep singing every day. Now, the search continues for cold fire and everything between certainty and uncertainty.

-all songs recorded in Fort Sam Houston, Texas from January 24th to March 3rd 2008.
-except track 6 was recorded in Morrisonville, New York during an early summer morning.
-Miss Katrina plays piano on track 2 and sings on track 3.
-Samantha Rigsbee sings on tracks 3 and 4.
-album art edited and modified by Summer C.

credits

released March 4, 2008

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about

Adrian Aardvark Plattsburgh, New York

Punks, poets, freaks and classically trained musicians make psychedelic grunge folk art together.

Years of struggling with distractions like drugs/alcohol, unrequited love, and overwhelming thoughts of life being so unbelievably complex (how is it even possible that life even happens at all?) there is joy once again while still staying true blue.
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Track Name: Wanderlust
So I’ve been wandering through sounds and different lands
Trying to find something that I feel I know and understand
Looked every where but alas I keep on coming up short
So this wanderlust has taken a hold of me
I’m sailing to the seven seas and away from ol’ misery
Got a bottle of rum and I’m singing with a full belly
But no future plans ahead and there’s a lot of earth to get exploring
And every day I’m alive I hope to God that I’m savoring

Cuz when I found your body, it was bloody and you weren’t breathing
I thought you died but really
You just moved away and now you’re so far away
So I’ll move right on

Remember when you’d beat box and I’d bust the rhymes like it was a full-time job
We’d rap about our futures where we’d have ice on our fingers like corn on the cob

But where ever this music journey takes me I want you to know that I’m being as genuine as I can be, if I be, genuine at all
Track Name: Hope & Hopelessness
I started to think about how everything has changed
Now that there’s no lies, things will never be the same
Like how I use to lie to myself about feelings that I had
I’d drown those, smoke those, shove those feelings back from once they came
I thought my only problem was living by myself
But my real problem was me not really knowing my own self
Break your ego down and see what you got inside
Crack that head of yours wide open to save your own health
It’s okay to be scared of the future and the unknown
When hope and hopelessness can sleep in the same warm bed
Right away you know when you’re not fooling anyone
But don’t put yourself down, don’t get trapped in your on head

I met a girl in Philly, said her name was Amity
Amity like the horror picture and I kinda sort of really liked her
But I was a coward and so afraid of failure
It’s a sea full of fish but I am a lonely sailor
Fishin’ for the things that you want to hear from her
Wishin’ that you two were cats sleeping in the sun
Listening to her purr and purr with a hum like sirens
Realizing that this bound book has come undone
Now all these pages are flying freely in the wind
Some tree branches catch them, hold them and are considering
Considering that these pages are full of foolish rhymes
Foolish crimes that could push any man to keep on drinking
Track Name: Cold Fire
If cold fire is what you desire
You must wait, sir
You must be stronger
Track Name: I Will Still Remain
Like a father’s love for a disobedient son
Whom he won’t give up on
I will still remain
And like these electrons that light up
All our bodies
I will still remain
Sure I may close my eyes and pass on
I promise that my glow
Will still remain
And on those cold nights I will heat you
And keep my promise
I will still remain

And when you finally walk into the night

I will surround you
I will guide you
I will protect you
I will calm you
And you will never be afraid

I will still remain
Track Name: Dirty Virgin/Lonely Sailor
And I noticed her short skirt repertoire
Every night down at the local bar
She flew in from the north east
Escaping a small town hell
And her language was a beast
Swearing enough to fill a well
And she’s eyeing her mixed drink up and down
She can't get rid of her frown

Dirty virgin, lonely sailor
I killed the captain but miss my savior

Well I sit down next to her for last call
Order us a round as we continue to stare at the wall
With the drinks almost drunk she leans over to me
She says "I see death and I think I hate living"
Well say it again for me I say cuz you read my mind
She lets out a laugh and then starts on swearing
Fuck you, fuck me, fuck living and fuck your death
I go to a bar to get fucked but instead I just get more misery

Dirty virgin, lonely sailor
I killed the captain but miss my savior

Shame on me
Track Name: Buy Some Wine
Well now you can buy some wine
And you can have a very good time
So why don’t you go unwind
And paint and love and stay kind
Track Name: Are You Anyone?
Are you anyone
Are you anyone
Anyone who could stand by me

Is there anyone
Is there anyone
Anyone who could stand with me

In this empty bed
In this empty bed
Anyone can sleep next to me

Fill this empty space
Fill this empty space
Fill this empty space or let me be
Track Name: Oxygen Man Up
You tried to move along
Tired to move along
You tried to move along but
The feelings hold you tight

You can’t win ‘em all
No, you can’t win ‘em all
You can’t win ‘em all, they say
But loosing is all I do

I still breathe the oxygen
I breathe breathe in still and slow oh ohhhh, so sooooo
I shoot shoot shoot my gun
I kill kill my lonesome violence like so, like soooo

So show me love
Show me luh huh uve
Cuz I really really can’t see
Any laying around here

Better man up
Oh you better man up
Cuz boy you better man up
Or this world’s gonna rip you to shreds
Track Name: My Heart Has A Home
Fruit flies dancing upon your half eaten breakfast
While the swim shorts migrate to some place warmer
Dreaming of mountain lions and your soft soft hands
Chilling with some welcoming warm ocean swimmers
Soft green grass tickles our legs as we lay day the away
Spurts of responsibility getting overshadowed by your childish way
Lining up our hopes and dreams with good intentions
Still young, dumb and full of cum, drinking all night sleeping all day

I know you were right, yeah, I know you were right, okay, I know I know I know now you were so so right
But I am stubborn and proud and foolish and young and drunk and stoned and

I got a heart
But a heart’s got limits
I got love
But I ain’t a dimwit

You can love, you can love, you can love

Yeah people will take advantage of that generous heart
people will hurt that big generous heart
So go on and love and love
But you gotta take care of yourself,
Don’t leave yourself out there vulnerable
gullible and fragile
Beef up those muscles, and push out that chest
You can do it now cuz you do it the best
And you don’t have to be depressed anymore
No, you don’t have to be depressed anymore

Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go

I must be a fool, my heart does have a home
It’s in my chest OH it’s in these bones
Track Name: Alone Pt. 2
So my heart has a home but my home’s got some room
And this desolation this loneliness it’s gonna consume
And my heart is big and my heart is kind
But my love is dumb and my love is blind

Hot warm sounds swinging in the air
They hump they dump right in my ear

Cuz everybody everybody’s fucking hot and heavy… but me

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know… poor little ol’ me

But I am alone
I am a bag of bones
I am all alone
We know, we can hear you moan
Track Name: Uncertain Change
Make your money and pay those debts
Unless you want to eat shit for the rest of your life
Wait in line for the worst job you can stomach
Huffing glue and breaking your back for change
I got teenage angst but I am all grown up
Confused, pissed off and looking for an ending
Drinking down all the bullshit you could stomach
Mumbling and dreaming for some sort of change

Rain snowing up in your vision of goals
Surrounding drowning in a town of assholes
Can’t spell pronounce the future despair
Shouting ranting that life it ain’t ever fair

Wisdom condom never gonna come
Waiting for a sign or hand shake with the big guy
The light shakes burns it breaks everywhere you look
Anxious nervous and freaking out for some change
Hey where you going what you doing what what what
Putting on one two three shoes at a time
Shaving bare bones soaking up sounds and regrets
Broken hearts distant time ain’t gonna change

And the I don’t know chorus sings its song again
I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know
I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know
Track Name: I Am A Runner
Last time I saw you
I knew I had to go
Had to change a lot of things
Like me being a wino

Now I go swimming
Like I was a diver
Or I run and run
As if I were a runner

Running from things I ain’t
Swimming to things of past
And in my past I realize
I was a cowardly ass

So I am hip for change
I moved to rearrange
This life of mine
I’ve chosen to clear this whole grange

Cuz it’s time to man up
Time to get to getting
Leave behind procrastination
And stop with the bullshitting

I got this heart of hopes
I got this head of songs
and I am gonna go out and sing
sing my rights and wrongs

I am gonna go sing on
Out my rights and wrongs