By the grace of God, I was born a Southerner With love of Jesus Christ, born a snake handler Honest fear of the fallen angel Lucifer Eternal damnnation bathed in hellfire And the preacher’s words hit me hard And I am veteran of a holy war Lost the divine holy ghost within Fallen christian and spiritually poor Once and for all putting down the good book Lighting it up with a bar matchbook In the eyes of the father Lord I am sinner Gonna sin so much be the sin winner And the preacher’s words hit me hard And I am veteran of a holy war Lost the divine holy ghost within Fallen christian and spiritually poor Where do I go now? How do I find my community? Can I still feel connected? What will fill this deep hole within me? Drugs! Alchohol! Pornography! And increasing debt In a society and under a government you don’t necessarily want to be apart of but full on anarchy sounds too scary even though you have have met some really nice and wonderful anarchists and read some fantastic literature but still think a total society makeover isn’t realistic for our gullible generation

Lost my license on LSD Are they gonna make a copy of me? Did I lose my identity? Id to ego, where’s yr I D? Yr on a journey, yeah Full of uncertainty Yr on a journey, oh Searching for clarity And I wonder am I the first human, to know Yes I wonder am I the first one, to see Wouldn’t everything, just be better, if we all saw Wouldn’t everything, just be full of love, if we saw Yr on a journey, yeah Full of uncertainty Yr on a journey, oh Searching for clarity And I wonder am I the first human, to know Yes I wonder am I the first one, to see Wouldn’t everything, just be better, if we all saw Wouldn’t everything, just be full of love, if we saw

Wish I matured sooner when I was younger Instead of fucking with my reality Trying to be a suburban shaman Not dealing with why I am so unhappy Wish my thoughts made sense And I know I can be too intense Lately I’ve been tired And I really want to be fired I just want some time off What am I gonna do on vacation Do I really wanna travel Or do I just want to stay inside and read Do I just want to stay inside and draw Well, I don’t even know Winter’s coming so you better get going Then you’re get gotten and times forgotten Dying yr hair different colors again Shaving away all those other body hairs Then you’re an itchy porcupine Well that’s just me oh my I eee mine I just am a little living creature That keeps changing and growing But will I ever be satisfied I am an addict Give me give five hours of pornography please Give me three bacon cheese Pills would go good with these Lost count of all those beers I wonder if there’s cocaine in my tears Is my addiction escape from my hunger for escapism Feel like I’m not making progress In therapy Feel like meditation just gives me More anxiety Sometimes it works, sometimes it don’t But I’ll keep trying like I am sober now That’s just me But really does it come down That I am selfish Really does it come down that I am afraid to help other people Cuz I can’t help myself It’s hard for me to open lately It’s hard for me to hear reality When the news is just tragedy Keep living in a fantasy

Sleepwalking through the week Coasting past all the stop signs Paying bills late hoping they turn our electricity back on Visions getting fuzzy Stayed away from the bubbly Guess I am in desperate need of a higher prescription to see

In the belly of a heathen alligator refuses to repent refuses baptism even though it swims in the holy water its legs, tiny as they may be keeps it from being the serpent all god’s children come down to the water as the godless walk amongst us deaf and blind i lay below the surface of the river i sleep on a bed of drowned lost souls my pillow is my own damnation all god’s children come down to the water

Having trouble trying to create Cuz I can’t concentrate Pocket full of distractions Addicted to reading reactions Can I get some confidence Can I find my self love There’s no heaven, there’s no hell What’s around is all there will Being all I am I am all I am But my death is nowhere I won’t be starlight So I better shine now and fight Cuz this is all I am This is all I have No one's stopping me I’ve been beaten down And I got up from the ground I grow to the sun Cuz my story ain’t done Cuz you are beautiful You are beautiful So live now Live free And if you struggle Just know I will be there We will live We will live We will live We will live

Almighty God’s abandonment issues Holy Ghost getting used as tissues Big baby Jesus, I can’t wait Virgin mother Mary’s running late If God created man than he created science Leads to reason that he didn’t want his own existence Depressed by the loss of his atheist children Cast off like a bandaid bloodied and used Did we abandon God Or did God abandon us? Identifying as an optimistic humanist But my jar of optimism’s half empty Depleted soul points and achey joints Its hard to feel spiritual when you’ve lost your faith In a dark porta-john, holding a loaded nine millimeter That’s the real reason you became an armed security officer Crying alone in the Texas summer night heat Guilt of the aftermath you couldn’t dare beat Sometimes codependency saves lives Sometimes you just become numb Did we abandon God Or did God abandon us?

You can be yr own god now You can be yr own true love You can be yr own god You can be yr own true love I still scream into pillows From time to time I stopped punching my own face Cuz I know I deserve love Just like you, you deserve love Cuz I like to give love and I like to share love and I like to smother and cuddle and snuggle and burrow in love When I am blind To all the pain some people put me through And I lie to myself That they love me This is there love This is there love You don’t deserve that pain They don’t deserve your love You don’t deserve that pain They don’t deserve your love Sometimes, we’re blind Sometimes, we see But its hard With uncertainty Maybe because of financial insecurity or maybe its deeper deeper deeper somewhere inside there was a bad seed that was planted and it grows that bad seed grows into a plant of self hate self destruction and it opens a blackhole to the deepest darkest depths of space and it sucks up your love it sucks up your hopes and dreams it sucks up everything that you ever cared about and then you try to fill it with drugs and alcohol and try to fill it and you try feel okay about but it doesn’t feel any better until you dig up that bad seed you un plant it, get it outta here just weed yourself just weed yourself i love you i love you, chris i love you, baby boy i love you